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If Lancelot Could Have Loved Elaine

from Éist le mo Sc​é​al (Listen to my Story) by Caera

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about

The story of Lancelot and Elaine has many, many variations. In some, Lancelot was tricked into being with Elaine at all, in others he wore her favor deliberately as part of a disguise, not knowing she had real feelings for him, and in others he accepted her as his wife after she nursed him to health. In all of them, though, things don’t work out, and he never really gives her his heart or falls in love with her, though she ardently loves him.

Unrequited love is a very common theme for songs and stories, especially in Celtic repertoires. Yet most of them are from the perspective of the one who loves and is shunned. There aren’t many from the perspective of the person who is loved but is unable to find (or create) love or passion in their heart for the one who loves them.

I wrote this song after dating a man who I had a great appreciation for and who I trusted very much, who I knew loved me very much, yet the passion and attraction I was looking for in a romantic relationship were just not there for me, and I couldn’t make it happen. To complicate matters, I knew I did feel passion and attraction when I dated women. No matter how much easier it would have been to find social acceptance for my relationship with him, or how much easier my life could have been with his support, I could not force feelings I just did not have. As I was struggling with that, I came across the story of Lancelot and Elaine again, and had a completely new perspective this time.

While this song and the general problem it focuses on can apply to many people in many situations, I want to particularly declare my support for all LGBT youth (of any physical age) in their journey in figuring out who they really are, and which passions they can or cannot change.

lyrics

If Lancelot could have loved Elaine as she did love him
They wouldn’t have lived in so much pain, being tortured from within
Elaine gazing at Lancelot
as he looked out to Camelot
each wanting more, and each could not
obtain the one thing they sought

If Lancelot could have loved Elaine and not Guenevere
He could’ve loved openly, without shame; without distress or fear
His heart would dance to hear Elaine sing
or see her hand in his wedding ring
He’d love his own wife, not that of the king
and the whole court would be approving

If Lancelot could have loved Elaine, the comforts they could’ve had
A burning passion free from shame to make all their hearts glad
content to live on his own plot
with wife and family as his lot
supporting Arthur at times, but not
as the driven champion of Camelot

If Lancelot could have loved Elaine with passion from his heart
If his love could have been obtained and not torn him apart…
But a desirous heart cannot be led
to treasure what is here instead
of that which it has long coveted
Great alchemists never made gold from lead

If Lancelot could have loved Elaine as he loved Guenevere
He would have been a different man, with standards less severe
A man who had less lofty goals
and was content with common roles,
not driven by an unsettled soul
that only rarely felt whole

credits

from Éist le mo Sc​é​al (Listen to my Story), released November 1, 2006
Written, composed, and performed by Caera

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Caera Seattle, Washington

From haunting Celtic lullabies, through laments of intense grief and pain, to songs of healing and hope, Caera’s music always contains an authenticity that can be hard to find in today’s music, or even in today’s world in general. Powerful soprano vocals blend with the bell-like tones of her brass-strung Gaelic harp to create music that carries people through life, dreaming or fully awake. ... more

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